When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
