Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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