Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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