It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
