can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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