Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
