did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Randomize
