Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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