Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
