Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
