Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
