i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize