is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
