she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
