Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Are we still banned from the library?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
