Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She told me I should be a condom model.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
