thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
