I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
