I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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