got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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