summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
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it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
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She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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