i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
