my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize