Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
