ugly people sure do ruin things
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
