its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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