Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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