Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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