she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
