Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
