well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
