i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
