do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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