beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
God I need to hump something, right now.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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