Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize