Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
