Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
