so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
