6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
