Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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