he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
