bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
