He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
