Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
