Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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