Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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