Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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