the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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