Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
