Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
