Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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