no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Randomize
