He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
