Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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