Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You need a sexual gate keeper
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
