I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
How many fucks given?
0.12846
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
