I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
