and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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