I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
