i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
