Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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