Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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