This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
