I love black thongs
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
