i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
