i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
the condom got lost in my hair
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Randomize
