so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
