sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
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She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
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Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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