John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
