the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
