I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
