well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
