You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Vodka?
Forever.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
