I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Alive.
So much puke
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
