if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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