Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I think I sprained my soul last night
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
