I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
