Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
