i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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