You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
