Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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