you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
